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i say to you: by ~emilyexplosion:iconemilyexplosion:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Urban > Open


and your lips quiver with your mind;
whispers lunge deep into the architecture
and the curve of our spines
as we hold our breath and our sobriety
underneath our ribcages

(gilded with adultery and the vibrating
wings of hummingbirds and dragonflies
and the nights too hot to speak of
and the mornings too cold to feel)

we sputter out letters and shiver
in saturated echoes.

there we lay, parallel,
our thoughts perpendicular:
paradoxical, and foolish--

oh, the glory of it all.
©2007-2009 ~emilyexplosion
:iconemilyexplosion:

Author's Comments

hmmm. i am neutral. and you?

Comments


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:iconeternal-spring:
~Eternal-Spring Nov 3, 2007, 9:02:00 PM
I like how you start off with: and your lips quiver with your mind;
Especially the 'and'.

paradoxical, and foolish--

oh, the glory of it all.
--I like how you bring it all together in the end. :]

--
Turning sadness into kindness
Your uniqueness into strength
It's okay to get lost so begin walking
:iconemilyexplosion:
~emilyexplosion Nov 3, 2007, 9:36:41 PM
I like the 'and' too! It feels like it's.. more casual, more a continuation. Rather than me writing a poem, it's me dropping in on the middle of life. (:

Thank youuu for reading and commenting, as always <3

--
if i could, i would give you everything in the world. the moon-- right out of the sky.
- austin michael, january seventh.
:iconeternal-spring:
~Eternal-Spring Nov 3, 2007, 9:41:37 PM
It brings you into the poem-- it's so interesting, so different! :D

:heart: Always here for you! And thank you for relieving me from boredom!

--
Turning sadness into kindness
Your uniqueness into strength
It's okay to get lost so begin walking
:iconsilentskulls:
~silentskulls Nov 4, 2007, 4:23:08 PM
Very pretty! :) It flows very nicely.

--
... that's what she said.
:iconrockerbybaby:
~RockerByBaby Nov 13, 2007, 12:11:44 AM
Love your poetry!!

Oh, the glory of it all.

:laughing: Had to release that bit of corniness.

:) :+favlove:

--
Across the face of the Earth, her ruby cheeks shone; Winds of whisper buried seeds of rumor, made her secret well grown.
:iconemilyexplosion:
~emilyexplosion Nov 13, 2007, 6:29:47 PM
(: I felt like I had to use that line myself. It wanted to be there, so I obliged to its begging. Thank you very much, as always.

--
if i could, i would give you everything in the world. the moon-- right out of the sky.
- austin michael, january seventh.
:iconshadowmkii:
~ShadowMKII Nov 13, 2007, 7:22:18 PM
I like this one a lot! Just like Eternal-Spring said, I like how you started off with "and." I like how it drops one into the middle of a scenario, not to mention along with your wonderful execution of layering metaphors and excellent, detailed imagery.

--
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious." - Albert Einstein
:iconrockerbybaby:
~RockerByBaby Nov 13, 2007, 10:09:46 PM
Sure thing. :)

--
Across the face of the Earth, her ruby cheeks shone; Winds of whisper buried seeds of rumor, made her secret well grown.
:iconemilyexplosion:
~emilyexplosion Nov 15, 2007, 10:44:40 PM
Oh, good! I'm glad you like the dropping and don't feel that it's too abrupt and intrusive. And again with the imagery-- it's good that it's not too heavy. I struggle with maintaining a good amount of metaphors and not overpopulating with vague images that pile on.
My writing teacher has told me to cut back on the different snapshots and focus on one or two and not just fling pictures out that are hard to comprehend. What are your thoughts on this?

--
if i could, i would give you everything in the world. the moon-- right out of the sky.
- austin michael, january seventh.
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